5 Ways to Win a Presidential Election

You win or lose in a competition. An election is not a competition. There is no victory or defeat in a Democratic election, but only the decision of the citizens at a given time and space. However, most citizens of the Republic of Sri Lanka are not educated enough, wise enough or mature enough to understand these core concepts. Therefore let me use the same vulgar terms for the time being. 

I would like to present the following tactics for the benefit of the 35 candidates of the 2019 presidential election.

1) Anger your opponent 

If you want to win a competition, then you must always try to anger your opponent. You need to identify the emotional weak points of him/her and totally mess with them. You need to mock the ego of your opponent. Often speak words that will irritate him/her. Then surely at some point your opponent will break and cross his/her limit of patience. 

Then he/she will say or do something stupid, and if you are lucky something disastrous to their brand. All you have to do is keep your cool at all times, and let your opponent defeat him/herself.

2) Keep most of the media time to yourself

Mass media is very important to win in an election. The more they talk about you on media, the more relevant you become. You can do it in two ways. The first way is to spend crazy amounts of money to run advertisements which is really good for the media moguls. The second way is a lot cheaper. You need to say planned and selected nonsense that will provoke the common citizens. Then your voice cut, picture and name will get the highlight on all news. 

Climbing trees, slithering on foot bridges, singing on stage, playing cricket are also good ways to get the most time and space for yourself on mass media. Journalists, cartoonists and YouTube admins will do the rest for you FOC.

3) Recruit talent

To win anything you must recruit trained and experienced team of staff for specific tasks. For example “social media advertising” is a modern competency that requires special training and skills. Making a Facebook page and boosting a post can be done by any mediocre user. But to use the algorithms, productivity tools and constantly shift strategy based on live reporting is a separate occupation altogether. 

Even the top ad agencies recruit such people from overseas for client work because there are hardly any such talented people in Sri Lanka. Similarly you need to recruit a team of talented individuals and pay them to achieve your various targets.

4) Get your rats into your opponent’s team

To win in a game, you need to know everything about your opponent. What they eat, where they go, who they meet and every decision they make. Then you are always a few steps ahead of your opponent. Then you can plan your tactics accordingly. But you have to plan and do this over a long time. You need to get your rats who can win the trust of your opponent closer to him/her from many years in advance. 

Your rats should stay in your opponent’s home and office, travel together, dine together and spend lavishly for him/her. Then in time, your opponent will start to trust your rats as their best mates. All you have to do is keep your rats fully provided and satisfied.

5) Mislead the youth

It takes around four decades in a man’s or woman’s life to face the realities of the society, raise a family, do a few jobs, fail and succeed in business, travel the world and become reasonably mature in life. The youth who do not have all that experience are naturally naive. They who hold strong opinions while living in utopian fantasies are rebellious thus difficult to be converted to support you. So the easiest thing to do is to make sure they don’t support your opponent either. 

To do that you need to recruit professors, social justice warriors, artists and the likes to preach populist false narratives aka #FakeNews, which the youth desire to hear. You may also form new political parties and place new candidates for this purpose. Then the decisive power of the youth is lost. You focus on your block.

Good luck!

Eranda Ginige
14 October 2019
Republic of Sri Lanka

Please like my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/erandaginige

 

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